Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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