this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm passing your future prison.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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