brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
