YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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