she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
