girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize