We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
