he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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