i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize