just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
