Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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