found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
