Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
