Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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