Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
