Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
