If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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