I forgot how hot balto sounded
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
