Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
