i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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