Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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