Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
