guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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