all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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