and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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