Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
