Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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