My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize