Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
