My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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