This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
