i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
