I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
