he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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