grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I didn't notice because vodka
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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