forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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