JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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