I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
