In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
