dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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