well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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