My liver just broke up with me...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
