i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
