Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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