I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
