My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
