This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Girls should come with a carfax report
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
