Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
