I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
