i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
