i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
