3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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