my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its not stalking. its research.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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