new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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