Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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