the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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