"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
