I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize