2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize