I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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